Only you can choose how you are going to spend the rest of your life.
I want to make everyone happy all the time.
And that’s a bad thing.
Sometimes you must do what’s right for you, and let the chips fall where they may.
With everything that’s happened in the last few months (and years) I have been faced with some hard choices. Being the kind of person who is loyal, and who doesn’t run away from a difficult situation just because it’s difficult, it’s hard for me to give up on something that’s not working anymore.
Especially when doing so means disappointing others.
I’m a trouper, I do what I have to, I don’t give up.
But sometimes, by not giving up on something old, you are sacrificing (or giving up) the possibility of ever having anything new.
Which is why I decided to do something terrifying.
I made a choice that scares the bejezus out of me.
I took a shot, applied for a job in a new city, and got it.
I handed in my notice at the job where I have worked for almost six years, even though I knew how disappointed and upset my bosses would be.
I told my mom that I’m leaving town, even though she has never lived in a different town from me (when I left home she followed me).
Am I terrified of leaving everything I know? Yes
Am I scared that I will fail and that I will end up homeless? I am.
Is this one of the scariest things I have ever done? Absolutely.
So, why am I doing it, you may ask?
It’s simple. I realised that the only thing that scared me more than taking this huge risk and changing my entire life, was the idea of everything staying the same.
I could see my future, old and alone, sharing tins of tuna with my 23 cats (as a vegetarian, this is an even scarier thought).
But, in fact, everything is not the same.
Sometimes the universe throws you some pretty huge hints that you need to change something big in your life. I have discovered that if you don’t embrace change, the universe will thrust it upon you anyway. I decided I want a say in my changes, from now on.
Signs that it’s time for a change
One of the surest signs that it’s time, is that you really want to make a change.
Another good sign is that things are changing anyway (the universe has NOT been subtle with me, but apparently, I take a lot of convincing).
I am not going to get into the signs I have been dealt, but fire, death, and devastation have all been part of it.
Lastly, when it’s the right time to make a change, everything falls into place.
I tried to make things work, pick up the devastated pieces of my life where I was, and with everything I tried, I hit a wall.
The moment I decided to move, things started to flow.
I got the job I wanted, I found a flat, almost every essential item I lost in the fire has been replaced through the kindness and generosity of others. It’s all good. New things, new job, new city, new life.
I have been amazingly blessed by the kindness of others. Honestly, I am so lucky.
Am I scared? Yes.
Is it a spontaneous decision? No, not really.
If I think about it, part of me has been planning it for a while. It’s just that now the time is right.
As for how it will go, I don’t know yet. I’ll let you all know when I’ve been there for a while.
What to do if it’s not the right time to change things
I didn’t get to the point where everything was perfectly lined up by accident.
Yes, some of the things that drove this decision were huge and unplanned disasters. Some were huge and unplanned miracles. Some events were both. But I would not be able to do what I am doing now if I hadn’t been prepared.
I prepared by working incessantly for years to get an education.
I prepared by not just accepting where I was in life, but working towards who I wanted to be.
I prepared by biding my time and getting work experience in a field that interests me, learning as much as I could and working on as many different kinds of projects as I could get hold of.
I knew all along that someday it would come in handy. Or rather, I had faith that it would.
I prepared by believing that things could be better and taking whatever small action I could, each and every day, to make things better.
I wasn’t sure where I would end up, or what choices I would make.
I didn’t know how I was going to fix my life. I just knew that I had to try.
Don’t give up on your life, or your goals.
It doesn’t matter if you have no idea how or when you will get where you want to be. It doesn’t even matter if you are not 100% sure what you want.
Just believe that it can get better and that you have the power to make it better.
I can vouch 100% for the fact that help will always come to those who put the effort in to help themselves.
Most importantly, work hard and be nice to people.
I have no idea what is going to happen next for me and my little family.
But I have a good feeling about it all.